Saturday, December 11, 2010

A Crying Heart

I have been back to my blog many times over the past few months, nothing ever new to write about until a tragedy took place in my life. My source of happiness, love, motivation and persistence to continue on through this big world came one one tiny little animal I acquired 14 years ago. A tiny little kitten I named, Lexus.

I had many animals as pets in the past growing up, lizards, fish, birds, kittens and even dogs. There was something about Lexus that cannot be described in words. She had an aurora about her that was like that to a human personality. The way her eyes looked at me spoke to me. No vocal communication was ever needed. Body language and her eyes. I had spent 11 amazing years with her building a bond so strong I can't even put that into words for you. I would kill for her.

As silly as this may seem, we were like a couple. The one element for any relationship is love. We had an abundance of it. I could tell her love for me was something to behold. An animal that could love like a human baffled and amazed me at the same time. I had to leave for the great white north and as much as it hurt me, I could not take Lexus with me. We both lived with my uncle for about ten years. I left her with him, knowing she was safe, and well loved. I contemplated bringing her up with me every summer I went home to visit her. But I knew she was aging gracefully and the trip would not sit well with her. So I was content on keeping her with my uncle.

She never skipped a beat with me remembering me every time I went home. It was very hard on me every time I left to come back to my new home in the north. But I knew how safe and comfortable she was at home where she belonged, besides, Casey, our other cat was there. They were content.

Lexus was playful, delightful, intelligent, quiet and most of all, she had a big heart, nearly as big as her appetite. As cute as all that all came to an end Monday December 6th 2010, just this week. My beloved cat Lexus, has died. I am beside myself, heart broken, devastated and though I have people in my life who love me, I feel lonely.

Lexus died of water on the lungs caused by a malignant tumor. She was no breathing right, and once my uncle took her to the emergency vet, even giving her oxygen could not help. She began convulsing and losing her battle for her life. My uncle was with her right up until her last breath. I am now searching for ways to cope. Grieving for an animal may seem silly to some, but to those of you who are animal lovers, you will understand.

Lexus will always be in my memories, pictures and mostly, in my heart. She will never be forgotten. God speed Lexus.

Lexus 1996 - 2010
"Always loved, never forgotten"


Sarah said...

I am so very sorry for your loss. Look up the poem Rainbow Bridge i hope it can bring you comfort.

Megan said...

I'm very sorry to hear that.

Melissa said...

I don't think it's silly to grieve for someone you loved so much when they're gone - human or animal. Lexus was your companion for many years so I think it's natural to feel how you're feeling. Call me anytime, day or night.

Melissa <3